Figuring it All Out

i wish this night could have lasted much much longer - but it cant. at least I finally got to say a real goodbye. its amazing how just spending a couple nights (with a couple months in between) with someone brings back a flood of memeories, emotions and feelings... now i have to miss him all over again. who knew he'd be the only one from ROC that i'd truly miss? (and he doesnt even live here!) boys make my head spin.

even though we will never be together (for many, many reasons) I will always want him in my life. this night was a reminder that someone sees me as beautiful and it is possible for me to feel special and be special to someone. maybe their is hope for me and love yet... we'll see.




so i move in less than 36hrs - AHHHHHH!!!

things I hate... people blowing me off... and i let them over & over again. why do I let people walk all over me? i love my friends but many of them suck at keeping plans... i'd mention specific people, but i'm not a complete asshole... i'll just say that they live in the MD/VA area - if you were true friends, you'd call & say plans had changed or something... dont just let me wait for your phone call

so here it is April 2007... I feel like i've been wasting my life away the past few years and have accomplished absolutely nothing. yep, here I am, useless at 24. blah

this quarter seriously sucks & i absolutely hate one of my classes and want to beat down my "professor". he is useless. he is also an arogant ass. i hope he gets laid off from Kodak and his wife leaves him...

on a good note, i finally got my internship & start in 2 weeks... thank god!

i probably should be paying attention to class now...

today I took an "intro to step" type class since I've only done a step class once in highschool when we went to World's Gym. Dang it was hard work, but afterward, I felt so good. even now i feel relaxed and just... nice. I am definitely looking forward to starting my workout monday. i'm already starting to feel like myself. I am determined to look fiiiine by my 25th birthday. now if only i could feel this good about all the freaking reading i have... stupid school.

two years ago on this day... i was preparing for what would prove to be a great drunken day/night. despite some ex "issues". today, I'm doing homework. how much does this suck?! the weather is incredibly shitty too, so even if I was actually going to enjoy today, it may not have even happened. oh how i wish i had an actual social life and had done some work the last 2 1/2 days... damn! i'm getting too old, far too fast.

FINALLY, i'm officially on spring break. i am so in need of a break. time to just relax and do nothing if i dont feel like doing anything. yay.

Gabrielle told me the bestest new ever today... after living in Florida for nearly 6 years, she (& derek) are moving to the b-lo (lockport) this summer!! I'm so excited & happy. Oh I love my Gaby! :-) I can't wait, now I dont really wanna move in September... i dunno

so here I sit, yet agian, trying to write a stupid cover letter. what is the point? cover letters suck ass. I have no idea what to write or even how to write the damn thing. I may as well not even bother applying for this internship or any job for that matter b/c i cannot write a cover letter to save my life. I a big pile of uselessness. why do i bother trying to do anything anyway?

I have a wonderful lil cousin! Yesterday I went to get the mail, which we had none, and instead saw a small package that just happened to have my name one it! (addressed to Katie Gorecki, so I knew if was from familia). I opened and to my surprise there was a pink t-shirt in it. My cousin & her friends that came up to visit a couple weeks ago made me a Team Blue Bawls shirt w/ my nickname on it! how awesome are they? They also sent along a card that they all had written in.

I'm so happy that I actually have a relationship with my cousin. We're the only girl cousin's either of us have (i have 3 first cousins - Vanessa & her brothers, and they have 2 first cousins - my brother & me). So we really have to stick together. Our past is interesting and we definitely didnt get along for several years, but now neither of us are teenagers and we have things in common and I look forward to staying close. Family is becoming increasingly important to me and I want to make sure i never lose touch with anyone.

i want to be in a band... or at least try to be in one. i want to learn to play bass. it would be so cool to do vocals & play bass in a band. oh to be famous. my lamenting is brought to you by MTV's TRL & Fall Out Boy. ::sigh:: i have a pathetic love of Pete, i dig guys in eyeliner. he wears more makeup than I do.

ugh, dont wanna do anymore work!

so, looks like my quarter will officially be done on February 26th... That means I get nearly 2 weeks of spring break!! very excited. so far, i still have plans on heading down to the Baltimore/VA/DC area. I've also added in a trip to Cornell to visit Vanessa (my cousin). I can't wait!

Speaking of Vanessa... this weekend she & a few of her fellow Cornell APOers came up to ROC. They played in an RIT APO sponsered broomball tournament. It was really great hanging out w/ her & her friends. Its only the second time in YEARS we've really hung out. I am very happy we're getting along again. Friday night was crazy... we left the rink at about 430am. V and I were so hyper and wired. We danced like dorks and were just plain silly. I also got to see Amy (michelle's roommate/friend from home) which was nice. We hadnt seen one another since september. After the tournament, 28 of us APO peeps went to Jay's Diner.... food is so yummy @ 5am. All of us were in/out in an hour. Vanessa & her girls stayed at my place instead of sketchy RIT APO guys (waaaay sketchy). I was glad to have them. So yeah, i finally had fun with people which is always nice & met some new people.

time to get back to working on schoolwork...

well, looks like i'll be walking in May b/c Rachel's family wants to go, so she's going & like me, we dont want to be by ourselves... heh. So now i'll def have pics... which is nice.

So RIT just sent out the announcement of the 2007 commencement speaker... former President Bill Clinton. Interesting...
I talked to my mom and I told her I wasnt planning on walking because I don't graduate until August and its a big school and all. Apparently my mom would like it if I did, or at least got pictures of me in a cap/gown. Now i'm not sure what to do. I mean, it would be nice to go through all that, but i would still have an entire quarter's worth of classes to go through after that. It would be rather anti-climactic. I guess i'll just have to think about it for a few weeks... anyone have an opinion?

here i am watching RENT. Right now Collins is sing the I'll Cover You Reprise @ Angel's funeral. It's one of the most heartbreaking scenes ever. The emotion he brings to the song... its just amazing. When he sings "when your heart has expired" i just burst into tears every time, whether i'm listening to the soundrack, watching the musical or watching the movie. The intensity that the characters of Collins & Angel looked at each other with is just amazing. They are one of my all-time favorite couples. So beautiful. I hope that someday i'll have what they had... even though its only theatre... i believe in that kind of love.



(this is also a props to the two actors, Jesse L Martin (lets here it for the ROC native) & Wilson Jermaine Heredia b/c they are amazing)

i just had a random thought as to one of the reasons I'm so stressed... i havent been able to actually do my normal stress relief ---> SINGING! now that i'm living in an apt where you can hear things through walls, i havent had the change to go all out and sing to my fave songs. I'm too afraid of disturbing my neighbors. this sucks. I havent had a good sing in a long ass time. i really need it. instead i sing quietly to myself which blows...